Honest Words For an Honest Moment

An English rendering of a bhajan by Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura, Amar Jivan

1

I am an impious sinner at heart,

My deeds have wounded others from the start.

Where I have walked, I’ve left behind

Anxiety, sorrow, and troubled minds.

2

I never paused when sin gave taste,

For selfish joy, I never hesitated.

No trace of mercy moves my chest,

Another’s peace becomes my test.

I lie with ease, deceive with art,

And delight in others’ pain takes part.

3

Desires crowd my secret core,

Uncounted wants demand still more.

Anger drives me, pride I serve,

False honor bends my fragile nerve.

Drunk on vanity, lost in show,

Envy and ego are the jewels I know.

4

By sleep and laziness undone,

I flee all good, to none I run.

Yet for dark deeds I’m swift and keen,

Eager, sharp, and far from clean.

For name and fame, I cheat and scheme,

Greed destroys me, lust supreme.

5

Such a man, corrupt and vile,

Shunned by the saintly all the while,

An endless offender, bare of grace,

I fit that form, I wear that face.

No good works bloom where I reside,

Evil my habit, grief my guide.

6

Now age has come, my strength is gone,

All paths to success are overdrawn.

Humbled, broken, poor, and small,

Bhaktivinoda lays before You all:

This tale of sorrow, stripped and true,

At the lotus feet, O Lord, of You.